move over angelina

Sin City is Kill Bill on PCP. It's every teenage boy's wet dream. Fresh comic book visuals. OTT film noir speak. Superheroes, gore, and depravity. And the hottest women... ever.

Let me put it another way: Angelina Jolie's torch has passed. And it wasn't taken up by Brittany Murphy, Alexis Bledel, Rosario Dawson, Carla Gugino, or Devon Aoki - all of whom were blazingly hot in this movie. Nor was it handed to Jaime King, who's beauty is unsurpassed and unapproachable, in a way femmes fatale from the forties could only dream of.

No, I'm talking about poster girl Jessica Alba. If not a single drop of blood was spilled, and all the prostitutes, deviants, and hitmen were removed, I still believe a fully-clothed Jessica Alba alone would have slapped this movie with an R rating. Trust me: if you don't want your eyes to catch fire, wear sunglasses.

But if you're not a teenage boy, the movie's a little shaky. Yes, it is a new height in style. It is amazing to watch a comic so convincingly brought to life in the realm of film noir. But it's all hype and no substance. Lots of stuff happens, it's visceral, and you're left with nothing in the end.

None of the characters are remotely human. Clive Owen is wasted on a woefully cardboard character. Elijah Wood gets to be a supervillain, but gets little screen time. And the women: well, let's just say method acting was not the primary subject of discussion on the casting couch.

But, damn, are they entertaining.