close loves douglas, helen loves paris, mcadams loves gosling

It occurs to me that an explanation of my rating method is in order. First of all, my ratings are based on the movie as a drama, primarily the quality of the characters and dramatic storyline. I give an extra star for special merits, such as a stirring battle scene, breathtaking cinematography, or a particularly charming or hot actor. I rate based on the viewpoint of a modern moviegoer - I won't give Birth of a Nation four stars just because it was really good for its time. Here's what the stars mean:

5 Stars: Classic, or potentially classic
4 Stars: Recommended
3 Stars: Worth watching
2 Stars: Lame
1 Star: Razzie nominee

Fatal Attraction (1987)
2 Stars
I've been putting this off for eighteen years, but I finally took the plunge. I can see why it would be a conversation piece, but it's hard to call the movie itself controversial - it's just so ludicrously plotted and acted. Thank God Michael Douglas is no longer playing romantic leads.

The Cocoanuts (1929)
1 Star
I keep giving the Marx Brothers (as well as their spiritual kin Woody Allen) another chance, and they keep failing me. They just aren't funny, nor are they particularly crazy. Jay Leno's monologues are funnier than this stuff. The Brothers' skits are part of a revue (totally unconnected bits of romance and musical numbers) - the movie is nothing more than filmed vaudeville. The kind of movie that gives the early sound era a bad reputation.

Sex and Lucia (2001)
4 Stars
The telling name reversal (in Spanish: Lucia y el sexo), makes as plain as possible the hook for this movie. And it delivers. Paz Vega is buck naked through much of the proceedings, but comes off as almost cute compared to budding porn queen Elena Anaya. While actually a relatively sophisticated and fairly plausible semi-fable of sex and love, viewers will have no doubt this was written by a Latin male.

The Constant Gardener (2005)
4 Stars
Good, old-fashioned Ray Fiennes flick, with echoes of The English Patient. Rachel Weisz puts in a credible performance in a Winsletesque role.

The Slums of Beverly Hills (1998)
4 Stars
Enjoyably quirky coming-of-age comedy featuring Natasha Lyonne at her height, a cute-sexy Marisa Tomei, and a fixation on breasts.

Days of Heaven (1978)
3 Stars
Practically a rehash of Badlands; unmistakeably Malick. Richard Gere and Brooke Adams can't fill the shoes of Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek.

Troy (2004)
3 Stars
Better than I was led to believe. An almost believable adaptation of The Iliad and its surrounding myths, which is itself an impressive feat. Eric Bana as Hector especially good. He's no Russell Crowe, though.

Beat the Devil (1953)
2 Stars
Rather lackadaisical parody of The Maltese Falcon et. al. Not very funny. Jennifer Jones and Gina Lollobrigida add a bit of eye candy, but some incomprehensible dialogue as well.

The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
2 Stars
For a "getting laid" flick, slightly above average in the realistic treatment of the main character, slightly below average in the staleness of its sex jokes. Can't compare to Pie.

The Notebook (2004)
4 Stars
Conventional in every way, it's a chick flick. Nevertheless, a good choice for a lazy Sunday. A touching, star-making performance by Rachel McAdams.