eine symphonie des scheißes

Some movies belong in a museum, but please not Nosferatu. Please place that one in the bright L.A. sunshine, so the celluloid can burn up and shrivel away.

What, you say, not the classic 1922 silent film by F.W. Murnau? Well, what exactly do people mean when they call Nosferatu a classic? Do non-horror-junkies really still like this movie today, or was it merely "great for its time"?

Beyond the usual elements that date silent movies, like mannered acting, laughable special effects, and ludicrous title cards, this film adds glacial editing, poor lighting (don't give me that crap about terrifying black shadows or about contemporary audiences understanding that blue tinting of a daylight shot represented nighttime), ugly actors who all look alike, and an incoherent story. I haven't read Bram Stoker's novel, but after watching Francis Ford Coppola's and Tod Browning's versions, as well as Shadow of the Vampire and even Van Helsing, I should be able to piece together what happens in Nosferatu. Not so. I spent most of each scene trying to figure out if it was Harker, Renfield, or Van Helsing I was looking at. Was there more than one actress too? Since when is the Black Sea the last stop on a trip from the Carpathians to Bremen? After adding yet another poor Dracula movie to my list, I now vow never to read the novel. If the original material were any good, could so many talented directors make such a huge pile of shit?

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all silent movies. I actually like Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans, the film Murnau made five years later in Hollywood. The acting was more realistic, the story simple and subtly told, the cinematography gorgeous. Even Way Down East, filmed by D.W. Griffith two years before Nosferatu, is more coherent, more involving.

My definition of classic is a work that is appreciated by generations, not just one that has historic value. The Bible is an important historical document, but is it classic literature? Could God even get published today if he submitted his work anonymously? Well, I wish he would, because, like Murnau, he could sure use a good editor.